Off the Kuff: General snarkiness Archives

The sanctity of marriage personified

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I have so much respect for The Onion for its ability to stay ahead of the satire curve.

Rudy Giuliani is declaring war on gay marriage -- vowing to use his strong opposition of it against the Democrats if he runs for governor next year. The former mayor, in an extended interview with The Post, also predicted that Gov. Paterson's high-profile effort to legalize gay marriage would anger many New Yorkers and spark a revolt that could help sweep Republicans into office in 2010.

[...]

"Marriage, I believe, both traditionally and legally, has always been between a man and a woman and should remain between a man and woman," said Giuliani, who has been married three times.

I think he meant "between a man, a woman, and the man's mistress". I mean, that's been his experience with matrimony. Perhaps he could compare notes with Newt Gingrich to be sure. Thanks to Matt Yglesias for the link.

04/25/09 | permalink | comments [1]

From the "It's not what you say, it's how you say it" department

From Alan Bernstein's Sunday conversation with Jessica Benkovic Colon, who chairs the Young Republican National Federation and has this to say about why Barack Obama won the national youth vote so handily:

A: It's an interesting time to be a YR in that we are rebuilding our party and we want to see the Republican Party realize the importance of young voters.

President-elect Obama said that government is the only solution to getting us out of this economic crisis and that is in direct contrast to the very nature of who Generation X and Generation Y are. These two generations, I believe to be two of the most entrepreneurial, individual-oriented generations this country has ever seen.

Q: Then why did Obama capture so much of the youth vote?

A: Because he marketed to them. He talked directly to them. Obama used the tools at hand (such as the Internet) to go after the younger generation, and he dedicated the time and effort to it. It's just that simple. It really is.

Yeah, the content of Obama's message, not to mention the content of the Republicans' message, that had nothing to do with it. No need to make any changes here! It's all about doing it in the Facebook, with the Twittering. It's just that simple.

01/19/09 | permalink | comments [2]

From the "Some people just shouldn't get married" files

Your pop culture train wreck of the day.

It probably wasn't his most important decision ever, but a Harris County judge on Wednesday weighed in on a case that will set celebrity bloggers buzzing: the fate of pop star Hilary Duff's lavish 21st birthday party.

It's the latest chapter in a bitter divorce between the parents of pop stars Hilary and Haylie Duff. The 2½-year-old case deteriorated so much that Wednesday's hearing in family court ended with the young celebrities' father in handcuffs after Judge Thomas Stansbury found him in contempt of court.

During the tense hearing, Bob and Susan Duff sat on opposite ends of the courtroom, surrounded by posses of lawyers and paralegals. They never spoke and rarely even looked at each other.

Their attorneys exchanged heated words, accusing each other of lying and acting unethically.

"I get very annoyed when he accuses me of lying," Bob's lawyer, Robert Piro, shouted at one point, pounding the judge's bench with his fist.

"Well, then, he should stop lying!" growled Susan's attorney, Marshall Davis Brown Jr.

I just want to take a minute here and say Thank You to my parents, who recently celebrated their 44th anniversary, for not being anything like Bob and Susan Duff. That's pretty much all I wanted to say about this.

08/30/08 | permalink | comments [0]

Cheerleaders in an elevator

Sometimes, all you can do is point and marvel.

Twenty-six teenage cheerleaders tried to cram themselves into an elevator at the University of Texas to see how many would fit, but then they got stuck and had to be rescued.

One girl was treated and released at a hospital and two others were treated at the scene after the Tuesday night prank, officials said.

The group of 14- to 17-year-olds were attending a cheerleading camp when they decided to stuff themselves into an elevator at Jester Residence Hall at UT. The elevator went down to the first floor but then the doors of the overloaded elevator wouldn't open, officials said.

After a few panicked cell phone calls, police and firefighters were called to the scene and it took a repairman about 25 minutes to fix the door, police said.

All I can say is that I can't believe I beat Harold Cook to this one. Thanks to Julie on Twitter for the heads up.

08/08/08 | permalink | comments [1]

It's an amazing thing watching a meme being born

I am aware of all Internet traditions. Or, putting it another way:

See here, here, and here for way too much more. Be prepared to waste at least an hour when you do.

06/20/08 | permalink | comments [0]

"In the White House there is no beer"

You've probably heard of this by now:

[A] misreading of the teleprompter led [Sen. John] McCain to sound a little bit more like a teetotaler fraternity president than a presidential candidate. Speaking about his use of the veto pen to eliminate wasteful spending, he declared, "I will veto every single beer, um, bill with earmarks."

Ever since I heard it, I've had this song in my head:

And now you do as well. You're welcome.

Consider this an open thread, in which you can discuss your favorite beer-themed songs. I'll open the bidding with this one, since otherwise people will ask me why I didn't mention it.

06/13/08 | permalink | comments [3]

From the "You might also consider getting a life" department

I've admitted my newfound interest in Twitter. It's a useful and oddly compelling ~~toy~~ service, but I hope someone puts me out of my misery if it ever comes to this:

With all the frustration, confusion, and support going towards Twitter this week, a break from Twitter might be just want the doctor ordered. This weekend users have been asking for alternatives to Twitter. In this post we answer that question in a variety of ways. Here's a look at several alternatives to Twitter both online and offline, that will help reduce Twitter's stress levels and temporarily minimize user frustrations.

[...]

If you'd rather not make a switch to another service, try these offline alternatives to Twitter:

Phone

Events

Parks

Meetings

Fairs

Parties/Clubs

Found, naturally, via Twitter. As John says, I hope that's a joke. And if you're wondering what the joke is, then I'll remind you that my Twitterings can be found at http://twitter.com/kuff. Just try not to get too stressed out when you can't get to them.

06/03/08 | permalink | comments [1]

The feathered look

And now for a little weekend frivolity: The Top 10 Feathered-Hair Wearers Of All Time. I might try to work up an argument for including some other people on this august list, but I'm laughing too hard at the pictures to muster the strength. Those of you who are too young to remember this era, all I can tell you is that you had to be there. It's amazing what can seem like a good idea at the time. Enjoy!

05/10/08 | permalink | comments [0]

Your moment of Zen for the weekend

Why Sesame Street was so much better in the 70s than it is now, in one three-minute video clip:

For those of you who were born after, oh, 1980 or so, that strange-looking black object the aliens are trying to communicate is a telephone. No, really.

By the way, if you go here you can find more clips in the same vein. Enjoy!

04/20/08 | permalink | comments [0]

Has anyone registered the "sucks" variant yet?

The posts, they write themselves.

At one time, the Bush Library Foundation owned the easiest Web site to remember: www.GeorgeWBushLibrary.com.

But whether on purpose or because of an oversight -- foundation spokesman Taylor Griffin wasn't sure -- it lost that domain name last year. Illuminati Karate, a Web company in Raleigh, N.C., picked it up for less than $10.

Since then, offers have come in to buy it, although company officials won't say who or how much. And they're coy on what they plan to do with such a recognizable site.

"We're just holding onto it for the time being," said lead Web developer George Huger. "To be honest, I couldn't believe someone was letting it expire."

Link via State of Mine. As Dogbert once said, sometimes no sarcastic remark seems adequate. And since I raised the question in the title, I can tell you that GeorgeWBushLibrarySucks.com is still available, if anyone wants it. I'm thinking you probably won't get much of a deal from the Bush Library Foundation for it, but hey, you never know.