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#BoycottBoykins

The headline is a hashtag started on Twitter as a result of this.

CM Dwight Boykins

Several Sugar Land families say they’re stunned and upset with how city council member and mayoral candidate Dwight Boykins addressed a room of teenagers Friday, even starting a hashtag #BoycottBoykins.

ABC13 Eyewitness News spoke with several teenagers who were attendees of a five-day Youth Advocacy Summit organized by OCA Asian Pacific American Advocates and Mi Familia Vota.

The night was billed as a meet and greet conversation for area youth to hear from Boykins.

“Initially, we were really excited because we didn’t know much about this mayoral candidate,” said 17-year-old Hajra Alvi.

But Hajra and her friends say the question-answer session with Boykins went south very quickly.

“He was telling us we should keep our legs closed, that we shouldn’t taint ourselves,” said 16-year-old Khloe. “In a way, saying that we should stay pure because otherwise, in the future, other men won’t want us.”

The attendees say Boykins grabbed another teen girl from the audience to demonstrate a relationship.

“He made a young man stand up and he was holding another girl side by side and he was like, ‘If me and her were to do something, that young man wouldn’t want you in the future,’ and that really shows that he is invalidating young girls and not putting a good message across to the youth of America,” said Khloe.

“I was actually sitting like right across from her so I could see her expression perfectly and I could see her looking at everyone else and sort of mouthing, ‘I want to leave’,” said Hajra.

This was first reported on Instagram here, with some video of the interaction with the young girl here. Hajra Alvi, who was quoted in that KTRK story, also posted to Instagram about it, and you can see her post in this Twitter thread. OCA Houston and Mi Familia Vota, who organized the event, released a statement condemning Boykins for his actions, while Boykins posted his own statement, which got a better reception on Facebook than it did on Twitter. It’s a generic apology, so if you have no idea what he’s talking about it doesn’t sound like any big deal. But it is – it’s straight up purity culture slut shaming, and it really, really has no place in today’s discourse.

Let’s talk about what Boykins should do at this point, because one of the many things that the #MeToo era has made clear is that lots and lots of people have no idea how to offer an appropriate apology.

1. Fully admit to the thing that you did that you are now apologizing for. Don’t euphemize, don’t analogize, don’t avoid the facts, and for crying out loud don’t praise yourself for your past actions or pure-hearted intentions. You don’t have to beat yourself up, just state the plain facts.

2. Make it clear that you understand why the thing that you did is wrong and why it harmed someone else. You can’t make amends if you don’t know what you’re making amends for.

3. State what you will do differently going forward, and if needed what you will do to make it up to the people who were harmed. Again, this is not the time or the place to state your credentials as One Of The Good Ones, or whatever mitigating factor you think should let you slide on this. This is about your actions.

4. Say you are sorry to those you harmed. Not to those “who may have been offended”, or “who may have misunderstood” what you said or did, because those are weasel words. You did something harmful. You are sorry you did this. Say that.

None of this is easy. I speak from the experience of having to apologize for all kids of dumb, hurtful, spiteful, mean-spirited, ignorant, and offensive behavior in my own life. I still get it wrong. But it’s the only way.

Anyway. I don’t support Boykins’ Mayoral candidacy, and he has no reason to care what I say. I hope he does make a full and sincere apology anyway, not because I care about his candidacy but because the girls who were there and experienced what he said deserve it. I’m not voting for him either way, but I’ll respect him a lot more as a person if he does the right thing.

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23 Comments

  1. Bill_Daniels says:

    Telling young girls to not have sex and get pregnant isn’t something Dwight should apologize for. The people who are attacking Boykins would prefer to see those girls knocked up, at Planned Parenthood, or knocked up and at the WIC and TANF offices, signing up for welfare.

    Instead of embracing the message of personal responsibility, the outrage mob has chosen to shoot the messenger. It’s funny and sad, all at the same time. Even Boykins’s black privilege card couldn’t save him from the mob. I expect Emily’s List to fund a challenger for Boykins, because Girl Power!

    The two best things those young ladies can do to prevent becoming mired in lifetime poverty are to graduate from high school, and not have kids out of wedlock as teenagers. The Moynihan Report spells this out, but now telling the truth is offensive.

    https://www.blackpast.org/african-american-history/moynihan-report-1965/

  2. Jules says:

    It is beyond creepy that he would single out a teenage girl and talk about having sex with her.

  3. Greg Wythe says:

    Thanks, Bill. I was wondering when an old white man would come onto this post and explain what young black women need.

  4. Michelle says:

    The fact that Bill believes it is okay for an unrelated middle aged man to tell a group of young women that they shouldn’t have sex tells me all I need to know about Bill.

  5. Manny says:

    What that old white man, let us add that he is also a racist and bigot, fails to understand, that it is up to the parents of the teenagers to talk to them about sex.

    Bill is so full of hate, that he will use any event to attempt to demonize anything that he does not like or understand.

    I wonder how many women Bill may have attacked or raped that he is always defending those that have been accused of sexually molesting women. Any ghosts in your past, Bill?

    By the way, Bill, there are ways to have sex without getting pregnant, besides just saying no.

    What I wonder is why Bill kind of humans, don’t have anything to say to the boys about having sex or understanding the NO means No.

  6. Deb says:

    What about the boys and men? Why is it only the girls who are warned and slut shamed? And “black privilege”? Wow. You really have no idea .

  7. Paul Kubosh says:

    I will glady say that young black women do not need to have sex out of wed lock. I would also say that goes for all other women also. I would also tell that to the men. Way to much trouble has occurred because of casual sex.

  8. Salvador Hernandez says:

    This message has to go out to boys also, not just target young ladies. I guess it’s just the old black southern pastor mentally “keep your legs closed girls.”

  9. Jules says:

    Paul you will be happy to know that Boykins was slut shaming girls of all races, the kid he pulled up onstage was white.

  10. Salvador Hernandez says:

    That old “keep your legs closed ladies” argument has failed and sends the wrong message for years. He should have focused on abstinice for both sexes until they’re old enough.

  11. Salvador Hernandez says:

    It is not his place to tell young women this, especially in the crude way he said it. It takes two to tango. Wheres the message for the young men. No. He puts the responsibility all on the women. WRONG!

  12. Manny says:

    Salvador what planet or country do you live in, That was Nancy Reagan’s message. By the way at what age is old enough?

    Paul are you saying that is okay for non-Black women to have casual sex?

  13. Salvador Hernandez says:

    This message has never gone over well, from anyone, especially from a man’s mouth. You might want to redirect your question of “what planet or country do you live in” at pastor boykins. He, if anyone should know better.

  14. Salvador Hernandez says:

    This message has never gone over well, from anyone, especially from a man’s mouth. You might want to redirect your question of “what planet or country do you live in” at pastor boykins. He, if anyone, should know better.

  15. C.L. says:

    re: “I will glady say that young black women do not need to have sex out of wed lock. I would also say that goes for all other women also. I would also tell that to the men. Way to much trouble has occurred because of casual sex.”

    Paul’s right – just look at what happened with that whole Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel incestual thang

  16. Bill_Daniels says:

    I’m laughing at all of you (Kubosh excepted, of course). You’re all falling all over yourselves to promulgate irresponsibility and immorality, while pearl clutching that mantle of “we’re the moral ones.”

    How dare Boykins, a MAN, tell young teen girls not to get knocked up, even though doing so will be detrimental to their emotional well being, their financial well being, detrimental to their ability to get an education and detrimental to being successful in the future. Ain’t no man gotta say that, it’s insulting!

    Yes, I get that teen mothers can overcome the odds and do just that, but it sure makes things a whole lot harder for them. Boykins could tell them not to use a chop saw without all the guards in place, because it’s harder to go through life with only one hand, and you folks would be screaming at Boykins that it’s their right to only have one hand, and how dare he try to warn them of the dangers of the chop saw.

    Do you even hear yourselves? It’s a matter of pragmatism. Why would you encourage young people to do things that can very possibly make their entire lives harder?

    Progressives are falling all over themselves to alienate the faith community and this is just another example. Plenty of churches in ALL parts of Houston, and guess what? Those parishioners VOTE. Remember the HERO being defeated at the polls?

  17. Jules says:

    This shouldn’t have to be said: Asking teenaged girls to be your girlfriend is not something someone running for office should ever do. He should resign his council seat, quit running for mayor and stay away from minors.

  18. Paul Kubosh says:

    Manny?, what? I think all of you guys pushing for more sex are the ones who have the problem. Please. Also I am pretty sure that none of you were there listening to his whole speech.

  19. Jason Hochman says:

    Well, abstinence is good advice for youth. Wait until marriage gave women power, because, if a guy wanted to have sex, he had to sign up for a lifetime subscription, and, if a pregnancy resulted, he had to stick around and be a father. But, it is perhaps a bit out of place for a candidate to demonstrate morals and values to youth.

    Joe Biden is also a bit creepy, when he told the 10 year old girl that she is as smart as she is attractive. I heard though that he was knocked from the front runner standing by Harris, who brought up his support for segregationists. The Democrats were founded for segregation, Jim Crow, and the like. Of course William Fulbright was a big mentor for the Clintons and Biden, and many others in the Democrat party. While they tear down Confederate monuments, they should look at their own history.

  20. Manny says:

    Paul, I reread your statement I was wrong, sorry.

    Sometimes I have to spell out what I meant, Salvador it was directed at you for the ” He should have focused on abstinice for both sexes until they’re old enough. I guess you are not old enough to remember or were not around.

  21. Jules says:

    Paul, we didn’t have to be there to know what he did was creepy and inappropriate. He apparently said no videos because he wanted to “tell it to us straight”. I don’t know why anyone would defend what he said and did.

    Adults shouldn’t be talking to and touching children like this and requesting no recordings.