O Dallas, where art thou?

I don’t usually venture into what I think of as Pete‘s territory, but when I see something like this, it’s hard to resist.

A studio scout is in Dallas to get a better idea of what the area has to offer the film version of the nighttime soap opera, “Dallas.”

The film will at least come to Dallas to shoot “exteriors” for the movie, although local film promoters hope to get the entire movie shot here, said Janis Burklund, director of the Dallas Film Commission.

The scout’s original three-day stay has been extended to at least two weeks, she said.

Dallas and Louisiana are now the only two contenders for the movie, Burklund said. She said she heard the news during a meeting with Twentieth Century Fox executives on Monday in Los Angeles.

“The studio is looking further here,” she said, noting that a search is on for a new Ewing compound.

I believe the commenter at DallasBlog put it best: “When is the last time someone came to Dallas to ‘check us out’ and went home with a favorable impression?”

Well, at least they’ll be shooting exteriors in Dallas, assuming they can find a new Southfork there. But the real question is why are they making a movie out of that crappy show? OK, given all of the other movies made lately that were based on other crappy shows, maybe that’s a dumb question. And the possible answers to that question pale in comparison to the casting rumors:

According to Variety “the Regency Enterprises/20th Century Fox redo of “Dallas” is heating up. Helmer Robert Luketic is rounding up his cast for the updated take on the classic ’80s series: He’s offered his “Monster-in-Law” star Jennifer Lopez the part of Sue Ellen Ewing, Luke Wilson is negotiating to play Bobby Ewing, John Travolta has an offer to star as J.R. Ewing and Shirley MacLaine is down for the part of Miss Ellie Ewing.

[…]

Other rumored casting news suggests Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives fame has been offered the role of Pamela Ewing and in a move that has grated many an old fan of the series, Paris Hilton has been offered the role of nymphet Lucy Ewing – originally played by Charlene Tilton. But as one Dallas fan said “Please let there be no Paris in Dallas”. We have to agree with that sentiment.

Actually, I kind of like Marcia Cross as Pam Ewing, but the rest of it? It’s just too horrible to contemplate. Surely we can do better than this. Leave your suggestions in the comments.

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