Hello, Barry, this is Drayton. Are you ready to be a champion?
The Astros need a left fielder. I know the name of a good one. He’s rested and ready. He’ll bring a buzz to the ballpark, too. He would suddenly make the Astros baseball’s most interesting team.
What’s wrong with having a little buzz? Why should the Dallas Cowboys have all the fun?
Barry Lamar Bonds would be a perfect fit for the Astros. Is there one good reason not to sign him?
Actually, there is one I can think of, and it has nothing to do with steroids, controversy, clubhouse chemistry, or any of that other stuff. It’s simply that Bonds would be unlikely to make a difference for the Stros this year. That’s no knock on him – they’re 8.5 games out of the wild card slot, with three teams between them and the Brewers and the Dodgers even with them. A full year of Barry Bonds in his prime, replacing a Darin Erstad type, could make up that difference. But a bit more than a month of Bonds, who at best would be able to make up for the loss of Carlos Lee but probably wouldn’t be much of an improvement, isn’t going to be a factor. He’d keep them from falling farther back, but he wouldn’t propel them forward. If nothing else, there isn’t the time for it.
That said, this surely wouldn’t hurt. Bonds would keep the Stros offense from being any more pitiful in Lee’s absence. He would generate some excitement and fan interest. He’s not blocking anyone’s progress. Who knows, maybe he’d stick around for 2009, and give the Stros some real lineup depth. That’d mean moving Hunter Pence to center field and having a somewhat brutal outfield defense, but you’d make up for it by taking plate appearances away from Michael Bourn, who has accomplished the impressive feat of being a bigger hole at the plate than Brad Ausmus. What the hell, it’s not like the team has anything to lose. I say go for it, Ed and Drayton. Grab him before someone else finally does.