“Why has marriage declined in America? Here’s my dorm room bull theory: it’s because men are pigs.”
You kids today don’t know how good you’ve got it. In my day, we didn’t have illustrations by XKCD artist Randall Munroe in our science textbooks.
Honestly, the real crime was renting Freddie Got Fingered in the first place.
“A class action lawsuit filed in federal court in San Francisco contends that movies using tobacco imagery should get at least an R rating.”
They sure don’t make Easter egg hunts like they used to.
You fans of Orphan Black, which should be all of you, you’re going to get more this season.
“Descendants of a bison herd captured and sent to Canada more than a century ago will be relocated to a Montana Native American reservation next month, in what tribal leaders bill as a homecoming for a species emblematic of their traditions.”
“In fact, Obama is the first president since polls existed to have never gone above 25 percent approval from the other side, not even in the honeymoon glow of the first days of his presidency. He could defeat ISIS, make America secure and prosperous, save a baby from a burning building, then cure cancer and invent a pill that would let you eat all the ice cream you want without gaining any weight, and no more than a handful of Republicans would ever say they think he’s doing a good job. Which means that if his ratings have gone up, it’s because he’s doing better among everyone who isn’t a Republican.”
“Every time we hear a young progressive kinda sorta suggest that Hillary can’t be trusted, we want to strangle someone. It’s the ultimate proof of how the right wing’s big lie about the Clintons has successfully poisoned not just the electorate in general, but even the progressive movement itself.”
“And that is why I whisper into the minds of all who will heed: Cthulhu endorses Donald Trump. Who better to usher in a new and monstrous age of ultimate chaos?”
Or was that a fake? You decide.
“As is always the case, to understand why Apple has become so fanatical about customer privacy over the past five years that they’re taking on the US government, you need to follow the money.”
“Big companies which own big properties need to deal with the fact that a great character has his or her breaking point; that you can devalue a precious commodity by letting this producer do one version of it, another writer do that version of it, another director do yet another version of it, etc. The more that is changeable about a character, the less he or she is really about. And the more different interpretations you have out there, the greater the chance that some will damage the affection that audiences have for the character or that the variance will water it down to the point where it’s not very special at all.”
“Warner Bros will make the same amount of money whether you hatewatch or not, so long as you watch, one way or another, and you will. Nerds always watch.”
RIP, Patty Duke, Oscar-winning actor best known for “The Miracle Worker”.
“Perhaps, then, the only real alternative to GOP derangement on the question of holding hearings for Garland is to unspool a little corresponding derangement on the left. But how, you might ask, how can you shame the shameless? How can you call out those in government seeking to take down government? If an Escher staircase falls in the woods, what can a Democrat do? A modest proposal follows.”
“Many relatives and friends providing financial support or care to people with dementia have dipped into their retirement savings, cut back on spending and sold assets to pay for expenses tied to the disease, according to a survey released Wednesday by the Alzheimer’s Association. About one in five go hungry because they don’t have enough money.”
An open letter from Wonder Woman to Batman regarding the events of Batman v Superman.
Our long national cookie trademark nightmare is finally over.
Calling all Mythbuster-wannabes! This is your moment.
“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness.”
“Rennie Gibbs in Mississippi, Purvi Patel in Indiana, Amanda Kimbrough in Alabama, Nina Buckhalter in Mississippi (again), Melissa Ann Rowland in Utah, Bei Bei Shuai in Indiana, and others. All of these mothers are being prosecuted because their children were either stillborn or died shortly after birth. All charged under laws protecting the health of the fetus (most charged with ingesting drugs or poison to intentionally cause the death of the fetus). It took me longer to type this paragraph than it did to google the articles.”
“There are enough old people watching baseball. We need some younger fans.”