Kevin Raybould notes the latest ravings from the best and brightest at the National Review and takes it to its logical conclusion.
I now see that the mess in Iraq is not the Administration’s fault. No, the fact they involved the country in a counter-productive war on dubious justifications with no effective planning and with insufficient resources is not the cause of problems in Iraq. No, the fact that I and others like me pointed out that this was and is a counter-productive war based on dubious justifications and conducted with no effective planning and with insufficient resources. I must assume that we hurt the feelings of George and Donny and Wolfie with our bad, bad words so deeply that they just weren’t able to fully concentrate on the task at hand. Its hard to do your job effectively with a broken heart.
I also see that this applies not just to Republican Administrations, but to many, many aspects of my life. Specifically, I owe the White Sox an apology. You see, last week, Jerry Manual, their manager, had to choose between pitching Mark Buerhle (one of his best young pitchers) or a just called up rookie in the last game of a series at Yankee Stadium. The Sox had taken the first two games in convincing fashion, and Buerhle practically begged Manual to let him try for the sweep. But Manual thought Buerhle needed more rest, so he pitched the rookie – who got shelled in a Sox lost. Since then, the Sox have lost some of their momentum and fallen back into a tie for first place in the Central. I blame myself. I questioned that decision to my friends and family, and I was not alone. Sports writers from all over Chicago questioned the wisdom of Manual’s decision. The stress of playing for a divided fan base was obviously too much for the White Sox to handle, and, really, who among us can blame them? As Mr. Kurtz so eloquently taught me, its hard to concentrate on your job with a broken heart.
I, too, am guilty here. I have doubted Jimy Williams’ managerial abilities since the Astros first hired him. It’s clear to me now that I am responsible for their failure last year and for their faltering stretch run this year. I must be prepared to accept the consequences of my actions, and to put my full faith behind the boys at Minute Maid Park before the situation devolves into total, irretrievable chaos. I offer my humblest apologies to Astro fans everywhere and promise to never doubt their leadership again.
Clearly, we need some kind of rally monkey to give our government the confidence it needs to make our foreign policy more successful. Or perhaps the problem is that our foreign policy only works if you believe in it, like Tinkerbell.
Perfect! Now who can we get to play the part of the Official Government Rally Monkey? The floor is open for nominations (I’m about to leave town, so I’ll review them on Sunday).
I dunno, Chuck, I kinda think the Chimp-in-Chief already has a lock on that job.